I’m back, y’all.
Instead of making excuses, I’m going to be completely honest. I stopped posting because I don’t feel good enough. My words aren’t good enough. My graphics aren’t good enough. I’m not good enough.
Over the last month, I discovered a pattern in my life.
- I give up
- I think too much
- I often have flawed motives
If I feel like I am not successful at something, I stop trying. It has happened with piano, photography, blogging, driving, talking to new people, studying for tests, doing homework, cooking…. everything. Every hobby I have slowly becomes frustrating and tedious. The second I find someone else that’s better than me, I feel worthless. I never feel like I’m enough.
This viewpoint is not only flawed and self-destructive, it’s prideful in a way. I want to be the best. Other wise, what’s the point of even trying? However, it’s delusional.
There is always going to be someone smarter, prettier, funnier, and more successful than I am. Always. I cannot be little miss perfect, because I am human and perfection will never be achieved.
Now I understand how Mushu felt when he wanted his pedestal.
Because I want mine.
Mushu knew that the second Mulan married Shang, he would lose his pedestal. He would have to go back to doing the tasks he hated, like gong duty. Because he was so prideful, he did everything he could to ruin the relationship between Mulan and Shang.
But the thing is, God did not create me or you or anyone else to be the greatest person ever. He created us for His glory, not our own. It’s not about me being the best. It’s about God working through me and in me so I can do my best for Him.
So, I gave myself a pink slip. Because it’s time God took over and took his place on the pedestal.